The hidden secret.....

So as all of this was going on in School and at home, I was living a secret that no one knew about.

Remember what happened before I came to the UK with the family friend. I mentioned that my mind became very sexual. I remember at times I would stay up late to watch TV whilst everyone had gone to bed and once, when I was watching TV, I came across an adult channel.

You know the type of channels I am talking about right? At first I was quite repulsed because I didn't know they could show things like this on TV. But it stayed on my mind. Later on, once again as I was watching TV whilst everyone else had slept, I turned to that channel and watched it.

This is when everything in my mind got worse. I started doing what the son of the family friend had taught me, i started watching pornography and masturbating. This carried on for a long while and each time, I would feel so ashamed about it. Nobody in my household knew. I actually felt like I was trapped, as I would decide that I would not do it, but find myself waiting for everyone to go to sleep and then, go right back to it again.

I remember there were many times, I would cry afterwards because I was so disgusted with myself and ashamed. I wanted to stop but did not know how to because it felt like I had become imprisoned by it.

More tomorrow!..................