The Bullying......

So moved on from Primary School to Secondary school.

This is where all the Bullying started.

It was so strange, because I had never seen myself as ugly or fat, neither had I ever seen a problem with my skin colour. 

People on the bus started making remarks about my skin tone, adults and children. I remember I really hated going to school. On the way to school, at school and on the way back, there would always be remarks about me. It was horrible. I was called all sorts of names, blik (A term used to describe something darker than black. (originates from the streets of West London - Urban Dictionary)), fat, pig, ugly etc.

It was a really humiliating time for me. I remember once, I was walking up the stairs in school and one of the girls in a year above me stopped me, looked me right in the face and said 'my gosh, you are ugly!'. I didn't even have anything to say, so i just waited for her to finish and carried on walking up the stairs.

I hated myself, my skin colour, my size, everything. Honestly i literally couldn't find one thing i thought was nice about myself at that time. This gave me so many complexes. All of a sudden I started hating looking in the mirror, i would actually literally cry when i saw my reflection, i hated my skin colour, i hated my size, I wanted to dissapear. 

I started wearing really dark clothes. My favourite colours were gray and black. I loved baggy clothes, so this was all i would wear, tracksuits, my dad's jeans (i know right?!), my dad's tops or my brother's tops.

At home, I felt as though my parent's didn't love me as it seemed, I was always getting into trouble. My dad, without realising he was doing it, would say some hurtful comments to me as at times, he would compare me to my sister. 

If you see my mum, you wouldn't believe what i am about to say, but i really believed I was adopted, because I really felt as though I was not loved. I really started to believe that some people were born to be happy and enjoy life, whilst others like myself were born to suffer and i had to accept it that way.

There is much more.....continues tomorrow!!